So much sh*t has never hit the fan, as much as it did on Tonight’s American Horror Story finale. Ryan Murphy is one brilliantly twisted man. I’m not exactly done wiping my tears, and mourning over a dissaperead Kit Walker,Botox Face Lana Winters, Baddest Sistah around; Jude, and the kicker? Pepper. The Monsignor? eh, he had it coming. He went out fashionably enough, a la Dexter, circa trinity killer. But they say the best method of dealing with things is to talk about them. So here it is. Last night, American Horror Story wrapped it’s second season, subtittled Asylum. Where do I start?
Lana is now litereally the baddest bitch to hit the reporting scene. She is basically Barbara Walters, except better, cooler and has a super hot spouse. Kit’s children are the image of beauty. And honestly, considering their mothers, an alien obsessed axe murderer, and a once normal turned axe murderer, it’s suffice to say that The Kids are Allright. Kit got Big J out of Briarcliff (say that in a bostonian accent). She went crazy, got better, then got crazy again, and then got better again. Jude finnally met up with Francis Conroy’s Angel of Death. This time for the long hall, letting the biotch in black kiss her atlast. And just like that, Goodbye Jude, goodbye, ravishing red, and goodbye to the creator of possibly the best nickname to hit the airwaves. I wont say it in efforts to keep it a live.
Flashback a few years, Kit’s a goner too. But not like Jude, the aliens came back for him you guys. I’ll take that over seeing Cute Evan Peters die, any day! Pepper’s nowhere to be seen, or heard. Guess she really did die in that hellhole. Ya never know with Briarcliff, that place is like a newspaper around FactChecking time. Lana Bannana herself was clearly making bank with all the reporting she did, because girlfriend was looking FABU in every scene. Something tells me Lana was meant for the flashing lights long before she met that crazed Bloody face. Oh and Bloody face 2.0? for starters, Dylan Mcdermott is way hotter as Ben Harmon, I’m not a fan of the facial hair on him. Were you? Anyway, this little guy stalked his mama to present day, in hopes of busting a cap in that ass. Silly boy, Johnny, Mama Winters is not to be toyed with. What does she do? She turns the tables faster than any 60 something women could, and shoots him right in the head. Harsh Lana, harsh. He’s a killer and all, but Harsh. Whatevz, like I said, he’s a killer.
This season of American Horror Story gave us characters to cheer for, root for, feel sorry for, and wish death upon at times. But I’m handing the crown over to Sarah Paulson, star of the story–no pun intended. Ya made it! Literally You’re the only one that made it out alive. Poor Wendy, We all know you loved her, but she was sacrificed for the greater good. And because of you Lana, Bannanas will never be the same. #LanaBannanaForLife
And even though Briarcliff brought me more anxiety than a Dexter’s latest season finale, I kinda miss it already.